Thursday, February 26, 2009

Waiting in my Car for my Daughter

"I'm going to hold on forever..." The plaintive words float into my car from the old tan Volvo sitting next to me in the college parking lot. Thankfully this slender woman in the tight fitting hoodie likes slow, soulful music, not the amped-up subs cranking out gutter-mouth and girl-bashing with low base vibrations that hurt my heart quite literally. Waiting in my car for my daughter to emerge from her class at the local jc is always a dicey affair, musically speaking. There seems to be a lot of testosterone-driven anger looking for a good time, just hanging in the air there on any given day. My own taste in music runs more to New Age meditative reed pipe overlaid with falling water and bird song. I'd have better luck encountering a purple and green nerf herder.

Watching all the young people walk back and forth, some with their arms draped around each other, others looking lost and lonely, I am transported back some forty years to another life. Instantly the music playing in my mind is Beach Boys,  Credence Clearwater and Jefferson Airplane. I remember the feeling of having endless time and possibilities stretch farther than I can see. I remember the black despair and fear that I will never find real love. I remember my sense of dread over not finishing my homework in time and how that lies in my gut like a history textbook.  

"I'm going to hold on forever..." The song is about love but for me it brings to the surface memories of hopes, of friends, of dreams, of loves and of the paths taken and the ones relegated to the gossamer what-ifs of my imagination. All these are what I truly hold on to forever. 

1 comment:

Thanks for the messages—I read every one.